As you may well be aware from my previous posts, I’ve been struggling a lot recently with a family situation – namely, my parent’s divorce and the breakdown of my relationship with my father.
This whole situation has left me feeling pretty fraught, and the year itself has been entirely chaotic, what with twice-monthly visits to my mother, tense family gatherings and a whole plethora of other issues. In addition to that, there’s the small detail of trying to keep the rest of my life ticking along in a semblance of normality – meaning, showing up to work and giving 110%, working out wherever possible, and still spending time with the people in my life that I care about.
As such, it’s all been a bit of a mess. I realised that one of the reasons I started this blog was not just to talk about physical health and exercise, but also mental health and emotional wellbeing. To be completely honest that side of things has been pretty absent from the blog over the past year, which speaks volumes about how absent it has been in my life. More and more however, I’m being reminded of the need to take care of myself in addition to taking care of everyone else around me. I was reminded by a good friend that I am in an entirely absurd and distressing situation, and that as a result it’s perfectly acceptable to not have my shit together. He told me that it was okay to feel depressed, and I would be entirely forgiven if I stopped acting strong for the sake of everyone else.
That conversation was all the validation I needed – sometimes we have to have courage in order to fall apart ; to allow ourselves to feel the full gravity of what has happened. And that’s okay.
What I guess I’m trying to say is that I’m not okay. I’m no longer trying to act like everything is okay – I’m allowing myself to show weakness and surrender ever so slightly to the awfulness of the situation. But I’m not allowing myself to wallow in it, as much as I want to. Instead, I’m allowing myself more time for self care and mindfulness. As such, I’ll be bringing back my old Mindfulness series. I need a kick up the backside to actually take care of myself every once in a while, and I can’t wait to share that with you.
So please, share your self-care and mindfulness tips with me. They are much needed right now!
Lots of love,