I started dating someone at the start of this year who, objectively speaking, seemed like a good match for me. We had a connection on our first date, and I was excited to see where things would go. But after several weeks of dating, it just seemed like something wasn’t right. Something missing. A lack of clicking.
My main gripe, however, was the whole marathon issue. He just didn’t get it. I wasn’t asking him to come on training runs with me, or rub my sore feet, or be personally invested in my goal, but I needed him to care because I cared. I’ve been listening to the audiobook Achieving the Impossible, by British Olympic coach Professor Greg Whyte. One of the keys, he says, to completing an audacious goal, is to get all the major players in your life on board: family, coworkers, friends and significant others. That way, the logic goes, it’ll be easier for you to make the inevitable sacrifices that come with achieving something truly challenging.
To be honest, I haven’t really had to work hard to get the people in my life on board; they know I’m a runner, and they know the marathon distance is one of the stand-out goals in many a runner’s life. They understood. But apparently it’s not so easy with everyone. It was taking a lot of effort and patience to get him to understand what I had to do to achieve my goal, and more importantly, why I was doing it. And then last week, somewhat unsurprisingly, he suggested we stop seeing eachother. Incompatibility, lack of clicking, etc.
Even though it was pretty obvious this wasn’t going anywhere, I was still upset. I mean, a breakup is a breakup, right? But it’s starting to occur to me that 1. It would never have worked, and 2. I shouldn’t have to try so hard to get someone on my side. It’s not my job to fit into someone else’s mould. I keep bearing this quote in mind:
To be honest, I’m still in the process of learning to love myself for the flawed and imperfect human I am. I don’t have the time or the energy to get someone else on board. That’s not to say I’m unwilling to adapt or make space in my life for someone; I just need someone who gets it, or at least tries. And so my new motto is to surround myself with people who get it. It just makes life so much easier.
Lots of love,